My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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