I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
