and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
