Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
