Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
