she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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