He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
