Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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