Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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