I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
