i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize