Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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