my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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