did you get engaged???
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
