remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
