If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
