A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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