I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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