they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
