Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
