I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
