She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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