I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
