go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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