Are we in a gay sports bar?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
