fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize