I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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