you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
3 2 1 whiskey
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
