Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
