where does the pee come out of this thing
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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