Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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