Who wears a wallet chain?!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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