haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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