2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
