He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
