Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
