It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
