Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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