the condom got lost in my hair
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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