Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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