I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
