Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
