The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
