GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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