okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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