i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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