I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Church boner. Awkwardddd
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize