dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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