Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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