i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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