Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
This house was built for laser tag.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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