In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
