She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
