I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
