When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
