dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
