Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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