i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
