Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
