Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
