i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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