I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
