I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
