just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
