There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
