I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
