Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
