dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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