I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
soo... how was my night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
