I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
